Hibernation...?

For a quite some time I have been under the impression that I am entirely useless after 9pm. However, with the nights drawing in and the clocks rather unhelpfully going back, I may have to revise this theory. Unlike many of my fellow students, I rarely find myself working late into the night on the eve of a deadline. I would love to suggest this is because I am wonderfully organised and complete every essay early, but the reality is this; if I did attempt to complete the work by staying up late, the quality of writing produced would be comparative to my creative writing task of 14 years ago in which much of it was written in an invented language of Martian space-bears, and the plot was harshly criticised by my teacher. This has resulted in the tactic of setting an alarm for about 5 o'clock and giving myself a few hours to complete the job in the morning, which has no doubt meant better marks than my Year 1 story received.

Returning to my quandary, I fear I my 9pm estimation may have to be re-evaluated. Allowing 1 hour for the clocks changing, and another hour for the depths of winter into which we are plunging, and my daily shelf-life expires at about 7 in the evening. Considering this logically, I look to the animal kingdom for some sound advice!

Wikipedia helpfully informs me that various species of bats, birds, bears and squirrels all have a similar problem. Clearly disgruntled by the drop in light and temperature they aren't keen on winter, like myself. I imagine that having come to this conclusion, the bear, bat and other animal communities had a bit of a chat, and like the Spanish, organised a time in which sleep will be had, and life won’t suffer because of this. (The Spanish call this a siesta, when discussing animals we tend to use the word hibernation.)

So, people of this cold, dark, wintery world, I put to you this. If we move Christmas, New Years Day and the associated gluttony, presents and laziness, and shut down the worlds stock exchanges, economic hubs and political organisations, human hibernation could work. We could simply finish October, baton down the hatches, and emerge from our duvet-cocoons at the end of February, knowing that everybody else had done the same, we’d avoided a load of rubbish weather, and DFS would still have a sale on.

As I really can’t pick any holes in the idea, and know that my winter will be about as productive as an afternoon in a Virgin Media call centre, I don’t see why we can’t role out this plan regionally in the very near future.

Michael McIntyre Review

On the 30^th September 2012, Michael McIntyre performed for the 5^th time in as many nights at London’s O2 Arena, and the biggest compliment I can pay him is that the audience was made to feel as special, as if this had been the only date on the tour. He was energetic, warm and showed all of the qualities that have seen him sell millions of DVDs over the last 5 years, and earn his own BBC series, Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Road Show.

McIntyre is a comedian that seems to split opinion more than most, receiving criticism from his peers and the public for his style of humour, but the fact remains that he sells out arenas and there are a lot of people who find him hilarious. Separated by an interval, the 90 minute show kept the diverse audience entertained throughout, as he backed up his previous tour, Hello Wembley, with another dose of his observational wit. More than any other comedian, he is capable of making people of all ages and backgrounds believe he is describing an instance from their lives, and this show was no exception. He focussed on topical events such as The Olympic Games, as well as classic subjects like health care.

Unlike comedians such as Jimmy Carr, McIntyre does not focus on audience participation, but this did not detract from the performance as he delivered a range of new material, most of which he has been tweaking over the summer during a series of preparation shows in smaller venues. On this occasion his show culminated in a big finish which focussed upon a joke that may have annoyed his critics, as for much of it he was making noises rather than speaking, but if you have enjoyed his work previously, this show certainly will not leave you feeling let down.

Throughout the evening, images appeared on the big screen advertising the DVD of the tour, and I would unquestionably recommend buying it when released nearer to Christmas, whether you are able to see him live this year or not. 

London 2012: A Games for Everyone?

As Lord Sebastian Coe spoke at the Closing Ceremony of the Olympic Games, reflections of London 2012 were already beginning. Charged with providing a ‘Games for everyone’, Coe believes London 2012 was in fact A Games BY everyone. The Paralympics that followed, and the unprecedented crowd support for the brave and miraculous athletes, only served to enforce this belief. Throughout the Olympics, the BBC broadcast countless athletes, coaches and foreign visitors praising everything about the Games. Realistically there will have been complaints and issues too, most notably the ticketing row and the inability shown early on to pick apart the flags of North and South Korea, but the reaction was positive for a reason. Venues were as full as the public could possibly make them, and accredited seating aside; all sports were supported by enthusiastic, full houses. The volunteer army that greeted the guests were polite, cheerful and informative, and made the predicted chaos of security checks, a serene passage from the outside world into zones of unbridled joy.

Back in 2005 when London was announced as the 2012 Olympic hosts, it was hard to understand the enormity of what would follow, but even then, as a 13 year old, I knew this could only mean good things. When my dad phoned me during my lunch break at school to break the good news I punched the air in celebration, and 7 years later I can confirm that reaction was absolutely justified.

Looking solely at the sporting action, both the Olympic and Paralympic Games included enough standout moments to have them remembered as one of the greatest Games of the modern era. Records tumbled, and rivalries were renewed as stars like David Rudisha pushed the boundaries of their sports. Rudisha ran the 800 metres in 1:40:91, and it is very hard to explain how astonishing that achievement is without simply trying to run that distance yourself and then measuring the difference. So great was the speed endurance of Rudisha, and the effect this had in pushing all of the runners in the final, that all of them were quicker than the time posted by the winner of the event in Beijing four years earlier. Sticking with Athletics, the story heading into London 2012 was the rivalry of defending 100, 200 and 4x100 relay champion Usain Bolt, and his fellow countryman, and training partner, Yohan Blake. Blake had beaten Bolt in the Jamaican trials over 100 and 200 metres, but come Olympic competition time, it was all about Bolt. This can be summed up simply by the delight on Blake’s face as he celebrated his two silver medals; he knew he was racing for second place, even if the public didn’t. Once again Bolt was the face of the Olympic Games, because as an athlete he is astonishing, but he is also a real character, and nothing is more important in creating sporting drama, than the personality of those involved.

There are many other examples of individual triumph across every sport at both Games, to list and describe them all would be impossible, but to mention a few is important. The British teams in particular captured the nation’s imagination, and really worked alongside the process of hosting to create a pride in being from this small island of great achievement. New names were cast into the spotlight, and in the same action, they cast their sport into it too. Peter Wilson took on men old enough to be his father in the double-trap shooting and claimed a Gold that has just seen BBC Sport produce a feature on his post-Olympic experience. Jonnie Peacock was Britain’s Paralympic Athletics sensation. In the T44 100 metre final, he destroyed a field that included the most famous Paralympian in the world, Oscar Pistorious. Without going into detail I’d also like to mention the medals won by Mo Farah, Laura Trott, Sir Chris Hoy, The team show jumpers, Gemma Gibbons, Andy Murray and Laura Robson as personal highlights. For anybody who didn’t see these moments, or wishes to relive them, all of the footage is still available on the BBC website and is worth a watch.

The venues for London 2012 were exceptional. Both those created for the event, and those adapted, were beautifully turned out and expertly manned. My one reservation regarding stadia lies with the position of the Olympic stadium on a plateau separated from the rest of the Olympic Park. This created problems with overcrowding as LOCOG explicitly maintained that spectators could not exit this plateau and then re-enter it during a session. When a lull in play signalled a good time to get lunch this led to huge queues and thousands of people moving in every direction around the outside of the stadium. Large crowds are of course no surprise in an event of this magnitude, and this was the only venue I personally experienced any that were particularly uncomfortable.

As a cricket fan I was excited by the chance to go to Lords and see an Olympic event. Almost unrecognisable from its existence as the Home of Cricket, the Ground was well turned out and served as a spectacular scene for Archery, a sport that until I saw it, was hard to picture as a spectator friendly sport. My favourite venue however, was Horse Guards Parade. Sandwiched between Downing Street, the Thames and The Mall, the Beach Volleyball was the unexpected star of the Olympic Games. A picturesque backdrop mixed with the samba-style party atmosphere led to a strange scenario in which the beach was placed in the centre of London. My day at Horse Guards was capped off nicely with the news of Bradley Wiggins’ Gold medal ringing around the stadium, but having watched plenty of the Beach Volleyball on television too, I can safely say any visit there would have been well worth it.

Both the BBC and Channel 4 did themselves proud in covering London 2012. Channel 4 was never going to be able to match up to the comprehensive coverage of the Olympics by the BBC, but what must be considered is what they did do, not what they did not. The Channel 4 bid was as extensive as a privately funded television channel could possibly be, and although the adverts were a constant frustration, they aired much more of the 2012 Paralympics than has ever been done before, and this is a step in the right direction.

Credit where credit is due though, the BBC coverage was brilliant. The only complaints I heard about their coverage were focussed on the limited ‘Red Button’ action for Freeview customers compared to those on Sky and online, and the inclusion of Colin Jackson as part of the commentary team for the 3D coverage of the Opening Ceremony. Claire Balding and Gabby Logan stood out as the best informed and most likeable presenters, and the analysis of Ian Thorpe from the Aquatics Centre, Sir Steve Redgrave at Eton Dorney and Mark Cavendish from the Velodrome were equally brilliant.

Finally I will address the statement by Lord Coe. The venues were magnificent, it was planned superbly, it was staffed by friendly and knowledgeable volunteers and reassuring military personnel and it was supported by crowds of people who felt a part of every minute. Due to the coverage of the BBC and Channel 4 spanning the entire day, even those at home were able to feel involved. This simply says to me that he was absolutely spot on, London 2012: A Games by Everyone.

Welcome Back Football

I loved the Olympic Games. I loved watching it, I loved going to see it for myself (at five different venues), and I loved the atmosphere of hosting it and enjoying the success of Team GB. However, I have missed football, and the idiosyncrasies of it. So may I whole heartedly welcome back the game that intrigues like no other, causes controversy like no other, and of course is lambasted by every corner of the population like no other. Lambast it we might, but we cannot help but fall in love with it again every year, not least because it gives people like me something to write about.

Subject 1 – Arsenal Fans.

I can understand them being upset about the loss of key players, year in, year out, but putting this aside, they provide hilarity and despair in equal measure. When a side drops points at home to a club perceived as being weaker, whispers often come of ‘parking the bus’. This is only natural, because everybody looks for an excuse for their team failing to beat one that they were expected to. Arsenal fans manage to take this to whole new levels though. All sorts of phrases regarding ‘anti-football’ and ‘negativity’ are thrown around as they desperately search for a reason to blame the opposition.

My question is a simple one. Why should a visiting team, in this case Sunderland, go and play an attacking game at the Emirates if they know this will benefit Arsenal. Sunderland do not need to win every game they play, but a point could prove very useful in May. Logically speaking then, they should play for this point in the way they feel they are most likely to get it, and Arsenal fans only begin to moan about this style of football as a 0-0 draw approaches, and Arsenal’s frailties are highlighted. When a team like Sunderland go to Old Trafford and play like that, if anything, I’m quite pleased. It means Man United are able to focus entirely on attacking, without having to worry about the threat of conceding on the break. Then, if the game finishes 0-0 it is simply a case of this… The supposedly better team, were not good enough on the day. When this as accepted, both by the fans of the club, and in Arsenal’s case, by Mr Wenger, everybody can move on, and Arsenal can focus on scoring some goals, rather than telling Sunderland they should gift them some. 

The Richard Awards: The 2011/12 Premier League season in Review

In Preparation for the beginning of the new Premier League season, (that starts tomorrow!?!!), I have prepared my review of last season. Below are a series of 'alternative' awards, for key contributions to the Premier League season. Some of these categories are uncharacteristically sensible, and others are suitably obscure.

The Richard awards are my take on an end of season ‘Player of The Year’ awards ceremony. Rather than organising a huge dinner and inviting the ‘Who’s Who’ of English football, I thought I’d keep things small and upload the awards to my blog.

As well as traditional awards like ‘Player of the Year’ and ‘Goal of the Season’, I’ve also awarded some titles for less appreciated fields.

However, it’s probably a good idea to start traditional and then get a bit more unconventional later on.

Player of The Year:              Robin Van Persie

Even before it became apparent that he would be joining my team, Manchester United, I should come as no surprise that I have chosen this man as the best of the bunch for the 2011/2012 season. Scoring 30 league goals and dragging an inconsistent Arsenal team into next season’s Champion’s League, Van Persie stayed fit and stood out as a world class player. Thriving as a captain, and as the main striker, Van Persie wasn’t in anybody’s shadow this year, and won Arsenal games with individual brilliance on more than one occasion. I’m yet to be 100% convinced he actually does “score when he wants”, but it’s pretty close.

Honourable mentions for Aguero, Silva, Kompany, and Toure at city, Rooney at United and Demba Ba for his performance up until the Africa Cup of Nations, but for me it was all about Robin, and this season he proved he’s not just a side-kick. 

If I was to then try and put some of the key performers last season into a Team of The Year, it would probably look a lot like this:

Hart

Walker

Kompany

Coloccini

Assou-Ekotto

Valencia

Tiote

Yaya Toure

David Silva

Van Persie

Aguero

Each of these players shone above their rivals for one of/ or both of the following reasons; they were the best at what they did, or that they played a vital role in their teams success across the season, and without them in the team, their results were likely to have suffered.

Transfers of The Year:         Best - Papiss Cisse

                                               Worst - Stewart Downing

The business achieved by clubs during the transfer windows often work as a guide to whether the club will progress or regress over the course of the season. Some transfers are exciting straight away, and others require a year or two to determine whether they have been a success or not. Papiss Cisse's move to Newcastle was an instant success. His arrival, and subsequent goalscoring exploits, made sure Newcastle's surprise start to the season turned into a long term push for Europe, and ultimately secured them a place in the Europa League for this term. Not only did he score regularly, he scored spectacularly, showing prowess with both feat and his head, as well as an eye for the spectacular. 

I have highlighted Stewart Downing as the worst piece of transfer business for a number of reasons. During his spell at Aston Villa, I came to respect Downing as a player, and during his second season he managed to add an end product to his promising build up play, scoring 7 league goals and assisting more as he played all 38 games. Having moved to Liverpool though, the previous worries about his inability to pick the right pass, or finish himself resurfaced. Numerous jokes have surfaced regarding Downing's first season at Anfield, and whilst Henderson's first season there didn't set the world on fire, and Charlie Adam struggled badly too, it is Downing who has been picked out by the kindly folk of Twitter. Another thing to consider is the fee paid for Downing's Services. Whilst transfer fees are rarely fully disclosed these days, it would appear Downing's move to Liverpool cost more than his Villa team mate, Ashley Young. Young was more highly rated at Villa, and subsequently settled better at his new club too, making the Downing deal look even worse.

  

Commentary of The Year:           Martin Tyler - Ji Dong Won v Man City

Commentary can either make or break a football match. For example, upon hearing Niall Quinn, I suddenly no longer want to watch the game and tend to busy myself with something else. However, when Andy Gray was in the hot seat, if a great goal flew in from range, or an important late strike had major repercussions for a title race, it was time to turn the set up and enjoy an outpouring of the highest standard. This year some of the best/ most humorous commentary came from those who have in part replaced Gray at the heart of Sky's coverage of live football. Ray Wilkins always draws a response from Twitter through his continuous use of the phrases; 'My Word!', 'Nice Young Man' and 'Get On With The Game', and Gary Neville split opinion with his loud moaning reaction to Chelsea's dramatic Champions League campaign. Without a doubt though, my favourite commentary extract was from Martin Tyler, and his vocal gymnastics. 

 

Comedy Moment of The Year:               Charlie Adam v Cardiff

Having watched the first two penalties of the shoot-out fail to find the net, it was up to Charlie Adam to set the tone. Instead of calmly stroking the ball into the corner, showing the technical ability for which Liverpool paid more than £10 million for, Mr Adam opted for power. What followed was a truly hilarious metaphor for  his season at Anfield.

There were other challenges to Charlie's crown, including the invasion of Anfield by a cat, and the protest of the Blackburn fans at the running of the club, that included the release of a chicken onto the field of play, but animal antics can't compete with footballers being rubbish. Talking of rubbish, there was also Martin Atkinson's bemusing decision to give a goal in the FA Cup semi-final, because the ball went NEAR the line, and I should probably also mention Joey Barton's one-man assault on Manchester City on the last day of the season. In terms of footballing hilarity however, Charlie Adam leads the way for me.

Worst Hair of The Year:                  Emmanuel Adebayor

Finally, a less serious, but equally merited award. Over the course of the season, several Premier League stars appeared sporting weird and wonderful hairstyles. Both Benoit Assou-Ekotto and David Luiz attempted to rock the Sideshow Bob look, and Wayne Rooney even posted a picture of himself on Twitter of the results of a hair transplant. Nani decided to have an N shaved into the side of his head, presumably as a reminder of his name in he forgot, and Salomon Kalou had a spider shaved into the back of his head for reasons known only to him. The clear winner for me though was Adebayor. On the last day of the season he decided that he would celebrate the end of the year by turning ginger. Take a look at it, and then attempt to describe it, because words failed me, and frankly, they still do.

The Olympic Games: An Observation or Two

Some of the best things about the Olympic Games are less obvious than Usain Bolt’s record breaking and the enormity of having the world’s greatest sporting event take place 25 minutes up the road. One of these things became obvious as I sat watching the Beach Volleyball at Horse Guards Parade on Wednesday.

The atmosphere in the stadium was already very good with the weather playing nicely and a day of sport being enjoyed by all. Suddenly though there came a strange chant from the far side of the ground, that sounded remarkably like “Wiggo, Wiggo, Wiggo”. I immediately reacted by getting my phone out and checking Twitter, (how clichéd of me), and found to my delight that Bradley Wiggins had added a Time-Trial Gold Medal to his Tour de France exploits. Without hesitation I loudly announced this, breaching all unsaid laws of British-ness, and to the general pleasure of those around me. As I was excitedly informing a man in the row in front that Chris Froome had also taken the Bronze, the result was announced over the PA system to a cacophony of cheers. The exploits of Wiggins and Co. have united a normally reserved nation in a way that only sport, and tournaments of this nature do, and everybody there at HGP felt a part of it, even though we were at an entirely different venue, in a different part of the city.

Secondly, I was struck by the way the Olympics seem to result in loads of things happening at once. Social networking, and the BBC coverage of the Games, allows this experience to be even better than normal. Even when I found myself enthralled by the Double-Trap shooting, and the chance of a British Gold Medal there, news filtered through that there was something happening in the Canoe – Slalom Doubles too. With three Medals, (2 Golds and a Silver), confirmed within a couple of minutes, it really did feel like anything could happen next, and if possible my attention increased.

The reality of hosting an Olympic Games can only be as good as you let it. But if you’re willing to put aside scepticism and accept the rough with the smooth, there is the opportunity to really enjoy these two weeks in which the world watches and we experience the best sportsmen and women in the world.

England 3-2 Sweden: Game, Set and Match

The experience of watching an English team play football is usually a traumatic one, and this was no exception. On this occasion though, it reminded me of another experience. England's Yes-No-Maybe-Yes win against Sweden had all of the qualities of a Tim Henman match at Wimbledon. Like Tim so often did, England today took the first set, through a flying Andy Carroll header, but after a 15 minute rain delay, or half time, they side came out all dazed and confused to quickly drop sets 2 and 3. Staring down the barrel of defeat, a scrappy fourth set saw England draw level, before a serve-and volley master-class from Danny Welbeck saw them home 3-2. Throw in the actual weather delay during the France / Ukraine game and all this evening was missing was strawberries and cream and some overpriced Pimms!

Essex v Gloucestershire - Pro 40, 4/6/12

On a cold, but thankfully dry, Jubilee Day at Chelmsford, Essex attempted to kick-start their season with an 8-wicket win over a Gloucestershire side, who were distinctly second best on the day.

The day began well for the Eagles with Graham Napier twice beating Will Gidman’s bat before bowling him out for a duck. Gidman’s opening partner, Hamish Marshall, who may well have inspired David Luiz’s haircut, made it to 24, but through a series of unconvincing shots, including more than one boundary that he inside-edged past Essex keeper Foster, and he never threatened to build a substantial innings. He was eventually bowled by Tymal Mills, backing away, trying to slash through the offside.

The Essex bowling remained tight for the majority of the innings, forcing Gloucestershire to consolidate after the loss of early wickets, scoring at less than 4 an over for more than 30 overs. The mainstay of the innings, and the driving force behind their competitive total, was Kane Williamson. A New Zealand international, Williamson showed glimpses of his class, and much of his patience. Starting conservatively, before launching an assault at the tail end of the innings, Williamson struck seven 4’s and a 6 in his 73 ball 77?

The respectability was brought to the score line by a dramatic increase in the death overs.  Essex had no answer to the combination of the Powerplay and short boundaries, Mills, Napier and David Masters all saw their figures take a hammering as Ian Cockbain brought up his half century in 44 balls.  Young Jack Taylor chipped in with a career best 22 not out and Gloucestershire posted 224 – 5 from their 40 overs.

Essex’s response started badly, but predictably. I asserted with confidence that former captain Mark Pettini would score nought, and he duly delivered the expected duck. After this early stutter though, the game was a one-way procession. On a pitch that Gloucester had managed to look trialling, Pettini’s opening partner Ravi Bopara and Tom Westley put on a partnership of 185 at a good pace to set up victory for the Eagles.

Wesstley’s innings came to an end at 85, but this was more to do with the pressure to score quickly if he was to reach a hundred due to Bopara’s strike rate, than any pressure from the West-Country side’s bowling prowess. Westley’s departure only delayed the inevitable though, and Bopara, returning from injury, completed his hundred as he guided Essex home. He was ably assisted by Owais Shah, fresh from a successful time at the IPL, but this was Bopara’s day. Finishing on 120 not out, Bopara had once again caught the eye of international selectors striking the ball cleanly, scoring all around the ground and displaying the class that cricket fans nationwide are all well aware of.

The Beautiful Game… A Brief Season Review

Firstly I must apologise in advance, for missing important events and details from the season that helped make it as epic as it has been described as, by just about every pundit and commentator in the land.

Everything that I love (and sometimes hate) about football was encapsulated into the season that has just finished. 2011/2012 was regularly described as the ‘season of all seasons’, and from a personal point of view, it really did have everything except success for my beloved Manchester United. The only way the season that just keeps giving could possibly outdo itself, is by providing an England win over ‘Ze Germans at Euro 2012, but I think that may e asking a bit too much.

The only area in which bitterness creeps in, when I think about the season just gone, is when I consider how Manchester City won the title. That they were the better, and more consistent, team is hard to disprove as they scored the most goals and conceded the least. However, they very nearly threw it away, and that is the killer.

Whoever wrote the script in 1999 for the glorious Sheringham and Solskjaer inspired comeback that saw United crowned ‘Kings of Europe’ really pulled one out of the bag this year. Everton finished above Liverpool and ‘King’ Kenny Dalglish has got the boot, all three promoted teams survived relegation, and Robin Van Persie provided a new meaning to the song “he scores when he wants”. Both of the Manchester Clubs threw away solid leads in the title race, before finishing level on points, with City stealing the crown with two goals in stoppage time to confirm a goal difference win. There was goal line drama at Wembley with Martin Atkinson giving Chelsea a game-changing goal in the FA Cup semi-final that caused Harry Redknapp’s face to fall even further than it already does naturally. Replays showed that the ball barely reach the line, let alone crossed it, summing up what the second half of the season was like for ‘Arry, who will ply his trade in the Europa League again next year; a far cry from Euro 2012 where we all thought he’d be.

Talking of Euro 2012, ‘Woy’s’ the man for England!  Well, to give him his full name, Roy Hodgson, but frankly if he can’t pronounce his name properly, then I shouldn’t have to either.

The season eventually finished in a way that only Gary Neville saw coming. Coining phrases such as “it’s written in the stars”, and “something’s happening!”, Neville screeched as Chelsea progressed, and eventually a Champions League final showdown with Bayern Munich, at their own ground, ensued.  For 120 minutes it resembled a particularly brutal assault as Bayern poured forward in wave after wave of attack.  To borrow a line from noted wordsmith David Haye, it was “more one-sided than a gang-rape”. (What a way with words that lovely man has). Unfortunately for Bayern, GNev was right, something was happening.  

When Thomas Muller eventually scored with 7 minutes to play, Didier Drogba equalised, and after Petr Cech had saved Arjen Robben’s poorly taken penalty (which Drogba had conceded), it became more and more apparent that fate was intervening. Four years on from Chelsea’s last visit to the final they were back with a score to settle. In a twist of Shakespearian proportions, the man who was sent off in Moscow 4 years ago, Drogba, scored the winning penalty with his last ever touch of the ball for the team, whilst John Terry, the man who missed a chance to win the trophy in Moscow in 2008, was sat in the stand, suspended for an act of sheer stupidity. 

What a truly apt turn of events.

It’s A Beautiful Game…

Coming Soon... The first annual Richard Awards. A series of the bests and worsts of the season as democratically decided by me.

The Football Game

This will make very little sense unless you were in my group of close friends at school. Needless to say it is all a projection of my insane imagination...

With the season over, it’s been all change in the football game so far this summer. Former Brentwood King’s manager, Nathan Carrington has celebrated his knighthood, awarded for services to sport, in style by becoming the manager at his former club Brentwood Bangers. He replaces Sir Richard Jude, who has retired to a position as a director after leading the team to his fifth Champions League success. Another Carrington has left the club this summer however, with Jesper, Nathan’s son leaving in a £23 million move to Real Madrid having seen his first team opportunities limited by the partnership between Tom Connor and Danny Lancaster. Jesper’s twin brother Robbie, and centre back George Brownn have both been appointed vice-captains. Ross Scott has made a £15 million move to his boyhood club Arsenal, and Peter Smith, son of Ongar Manager Andrew, has been handed the number 3 shirt. Matt Gillespie has also moved on, his £5 million move to Warley Park Rangers has been labelled as part of a signal of intent that includes; the renovation of their stadium, The Dip, and the double signing of Arnie and Marnie Van Martyn from Ajax, that WPR are ready to mount a title challenge. Matt’s father Andrew remains a club director at the Bangers, and has recently announced himself 4 years sober, after a very public battle with alcoholism marred a significant period in his life. On a sadder note, the careers of Fabien Barez, the veteran keeper, and Olly Staiano, have come to an end. Barez leaves to return to his country of birth Brazil, and Olly, whose career has finally succumbed to the injuries sustained in a car crash 6 years ago, will become head of the youth development programme at the club. Young Bangers defender Rob Salmon has finally spoken out about the mental illness that led to the incarceration of his father Tom. “It was terrible to see; he kept going on about how killing everyone would end the game, and win the bet. He was a danger to himself and others, and I’m glad he’s now being well looked after and nobody was harmed.” Brentwood Bangers have also already confirmed the first four signings of the Carrington era. Pascal St. Omer has been brought in from PSG for £7 million, and Greenlandic International Jan Rasingle defender has signed on a free transfer from Yorkshire Puddings. West Bacon’s striker Jonny Levins has made the £17 million move from east London, and the Argentinian playmaker Santiago Barahona-Gomariz has joined from Atletico Madrid in a £32 million deal. Arthur Abbitt has reason to celebrate this summer, being made captain at Warley Hill United, and his father George has signed a new deal to remain as England manager up until the end of the 2018 world cup, which will be hosted here. Warley Hill United’s Childerditch Lane complex is ahead of schedule as it is revamped to host an international team for the tournament, as Brentwood King’s home, the Brentwood Centre, and Brentwood Banger’s complex at Hartswood Road, will also do.

Twitter: The Good The Bad and The Ugly.

In the 21st century world of celebrities being scrutinised by a press with lowering standards of ethics, was it ever wise for these celebrities to join a social networking site that enables this scrutinyto increase further?

Twitter as a phenomenon is continually growing, and more and more of the nation’s sports stars, television personalities and important people are joining the site and allowing everyone who chooses to virtually ‘follow’ them in their everyday lives. I’m only twenty, but I feel old enough
to say that, in my day, if I said I was following Holly Willoughby, the police would be round very quickly. However, safety in numbers now appears to make this acceptable, as I’m one of more than 1.9 million people following @hollywills via Twitter.

It is the subject of sports stars on Twitter that has sparked my desire to write this blog though, so I shall cut to the chase. The stereotype footballer is a man with very little brain power who through stupid decisions, or just looking a bit thick, opens himself up to the expected abuse
in the national press and in everyday conversations across the country. Surely then, allowing them to express opinions and update the nations sports fans with anecdotes of their day will be a nightmare full of ill-judged comments and mind numbing boredom?

Prolific ‘tweeter’ Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5), both falls into, and challenges the stereotype. From what I can gather, Rio spends an awful lot of time asleep or eating Nando’s. However, he also uses Twitter wisely, to offer opinions, correct any misinterpretations of himself or his
family (most recently regarding the John Terry race-row and the public abuse of his brother Anton), and to create the brand that will see Rio stay famous, and relevant in the game when he retires from playing.

Fellow Manchester United players Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) and Tom Cleverley (@TomClevz23) often fall very easily into the mind-numbing bracket through their competition in popular game ‘Temple Run’, but even they are performing a service to their fans by providing an insight into their lives, and Wayne Rooney has also been able to use his account to correct
unfounded speculation regarding his future at United. On the subject of Manchester United footballers on Twitter, Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) has followed team mates into this particular cyber world.

Last Wednesday, England, in their first game since the departure of manager Fabio Capello, were defeated 3-2 by Holland at Wembley Stadium, and Owen’s response was to innocently suggest that this was surely disappointing. In the Friday edition of Tabloid newspaper The Sun, Owen was misquoted as having said England flopped and an uproar about his apparent criticism followed. Not only was this a piece of journalism typical of 21st century tabloids, but it was also heavily influenced by ex-tabloid editor, and Twitter grammar-Nazi Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) incessant attempts to put down those more famous or popular than himself.

In this instance, Twitter has proven, however well used by the individual, to be another medium of misquoting and negatively representing the nations celebrities and sports stars in a way that sells papers, but degrades the celebrity in question, and lets down the profession of journalism.
So my advice to the people in question would be as follows; Michael Owen and fellow celebrity Tweeters should be prepared to be misquoted as they have had to be when giving any kind of interview before hand, Piers Morgan should probably break the habit of a life time and keep he’s conceited and confrontational opinions to himself, and the journalist responsible for the Michael Owen story, Paul Jiggins, should be ashamed of himself and his ethically challenged methods.
I will on this occasion though, conclude on a positive note.

Another footballer to express his dissatisfaction about the general acceptance of England’s defeat at Wembley was Joey Barton (@joey7barton). Joey has had a chequered past to say the least, and is most commonly known for his alcohol fuelled indiscretions outside of the sport, rather than the skill and application that he has shown on the field. An accusation that cannot be thrown
at Barton, however, is that he befits any of the stereotypes mentioned above. Since joining Twitter recently (now seemingly rehabilitated and having given up the alcohol that haunted his past), Barton has shown himself to be opinionated and occasionally confrontational, but articulate and educated too. Twitter has been part of his rehabilitation process as he has attempted to show his true character, rather than the one portrayed in the tabloids. He also wrote an article for the Times earlier this year, which I highly recommend reading, in which he described the way Twitter has helped him rebuild his reputation.

What cannot be denied is that Twitter is here to stay for a while. It certainly provides a service to celebrities, and like the press, good coverage comes with the danger of bad coverage. For everyone else, it provides a platform for their thoughts, and an insight into those of their heroes and idols, this can surely only be a good thing, even if these insights can be
grossly misrepresented.

Life's little certainties and a criticising culture.

This blog began over a week ago, but I went to bed instead
of finishing it. What a model of determination and stick-ability I am…


There are a number of certainties by which we can depend on,
and if necessary, plan our lives around. One such example would be that during
my AS History class, whenever discussions reached potentially controversial
subjects, Marie would start a sentence with “I’m not being racist but…”, before
going on to say something that even Nick Griffin may consider to be beyond the
pale. On a more contemporary note, university students have huge difficulties
making it in for 9 o’clock lectures, despite our recent school lives requiring
an earlier start, and another of these certainties is that Mitch Sargent’s
attendance will be incalculably poor at this time of the day. (Some say his
alarm clock doesn’t have an AM setting and starts at midday…) Those of us that
know him quickly accepted this to be the case though, so nothing is thought of
it, and it has just become another of those things to be overlooked as
inevitable. No doubt that anyone reading this will have similar quirks, and
will know things that they can set their watch by, or know will come to pass
through experience.

However, the most certain of these certainties is the abuse
that the V Festival line-up will receive on release every year. Frankly the
line-up could involve a day headlined by Michael Jackson and Elvis, and a
couple of hundred teenagers would describe this as predictable, and Freddy
Mercury closing the Sunday could equally be dismissed as average at best.
Granted this is a gross exaggeration, as I’m sure there would at least be mild
interest if Virgin listed a load of dead artists as their main performers, but
the principle stands. Whoever is listed as performing and however prolific the
headline acts are, to the world in which we live it is described as not good
enough. This year as Twitter continues to go from strength to strength, it was
full with potential festival goers criticising a line-up full of people and
groups they do listen to.

The reality though is this, if I turn on live coverage of V
this summer I will see the fields absolutely full of revellers (that’s a very
journalistic term so I threw it in) enjoying the performances of the stars they
criticised, having had to pay an extortionate amount of money to get there, so
the line-up can’t be all bad. What I think has happened is we have entered a
world, with the help of social networking for scale, in which everybody feels
as though they have to criticise things as average, mediocre or worse, in case
somebody they know disagrees and they are made to feel they are being judged
for liking something substandard. It’s a scary thought, but in today’s world it
is so easy to criticise, rather than praise, and we now live in a society where
mainstream is boring and everything is crap.

As Louis Armstrong said, What a Wonderful World…

My Application for the England Manager's Job

In today’s modern society, it is perfectly normal for
somebody to catch up on news through a quick scan of their Twitter feed. At lunchtime today I was scrolling through my timeline from this morning when I found that, at exactly the same time as Fabio Capello’s arrival at Wembley for talks regarding his comments about John Terry, the jury were signalling a not-guilty verdict had been reached in Harry Redknapp’s tax-evasion trial. Almost poetically the next England Manager-elect was being given a reprieve from a sticky situation, as the current manager was explaining the comments that had made his leadership virtually untenable.

Later on this evening, the final piece in the ‘Harry’s perfect day puzzle’ fell into place, as Capello resigned leaving the job that Redknapp is 2/7 favourite to fill, available. However, all is not yet clear. Harry Redknapp has unfinished business at a blossoming Tottenham Hotspur, who, having built a squad of real quality, are determined to hang-on to their prize assets,
and ‘Arry is certainly one of those. Whether Daniel Levy, the Spurs chairman, will be willing to allow Redknapp manage England as well as Tottenham until the end of the season I’m not so sure, so this could result in Stuart Pearce keeping the job on a temporary basis until the European Championships this summer, and even then, will Harry be able to pass up the opportunity to have another crack at the Champions League next season?

This dilemma, along with the hash-tag topic on Twitter, #ReasonsWhyIShouldBeEnglandManager, has led me to believe it is my duty as a patriotic England supporter, to offer my services. What follows is my application and open letter to the Football Association that I have also emailed to them…

Dear Sirs,
It has come to my attention that following on from discussions today at the home of football, England manager Fabio Capello has resigned from his role, leaving you with the duty to fill that position.

There are many excellent candidates for the role, with under 21s boss Stuart Pearce,
Alan Pardew at Newcastle, and Harry Redknapp all worthy of honourable mentions. Following on from rumours surrounding these managers who have proven themselves in professional circumstances, a flurry of informal applications may have come to your attention via social networking site Twitter. Many of these applicants possess glittering CVs across different editions of Football Manager, including success at the highest level of club, and International football.
Like Mr. Redknapp and Mr. Pardew, I am able to fill one vital area of requirement. Being born and raised in England, and through following the international team, I would fit the bill regarding an English successor to another failed foreign manager, and I fully understand the
expectations of the fans, having sat with them in front of my television and at Wembley on cold evenings, during the Euro 2008 qualifying campaign. Following on from this, I don’t particularly like umbrellas, so the chances of an embarrassing picture of me sheltering from the rain whilst my players toil, appearing in the national press, are extremely slim.

Like the Football Manager enthusiasts of Twitter, I can boast a successful run with varying teams, and a history of getting the best out of different types of, and standards of player. I turned the Everton team of 2004/2005 into the greatest team on the planet across a four year period that culminated in multiple Champions League successes, before moving on to England where I tasted success in World and European Cups. My work at Everton didn’t go unnoticed as David Moyes proceeded to sign Yakubu, Andy Van Der Meyde, Tim Howard and Phil Jagielka within two years of me doing so in the game.

Other highly successful managerial spells have followed including domestic league and cup success at Chelsea and Liverpool over a four year period, a dominant spell with a talented, but previously ill-disciplined, Spain, under the pseudonym ‘Mr. Bean’. Most recently though, I’ve enjoyed two successive promotions with lowly Chelmsford into the Football League, and a
devastating six year period in charge of Manchester United in which I built upon Sir Alex Ferguson’s success by rebuilding and winning four Champions League in six years, and holding all seven possible trophies at the same time, with a team captained by Wayne Rooney.

As I assume the realistic nature of Football Manager is not up for question I’d like to highlight the success my Rooney-led team had as encouragement for allowing Wayne and I to form this partnership of coach and captain in real life. Rooney’s form is instrumental for that of England as his record throughout the World Cup qualifying campaign, and then the contrasting finals in South Africa testify, and as captain, and under my guidance, Rooney was unstoppable.

As well as my FM record, and enviable relationship with England’s star player, I bring a
level-headedness and patience to a job that hasn’t been present for a very long time. My common-sense and logic would allow me to adapt to whatever situation the England team may find itself in, and I would intend to only take players to the tournament that I intended to play, which would surely place me as slightly more suited to the high pressure role than Sven proved himself to be when selecting Theo Walcott for the 2006 World Cup.

I look forward to discussing my availability with you very soon, as we look to shape an England team that can succeed at the highest level, will include a goalkeeper unafraid of stopping opposition goals, and won’t include Emile Heskey. Please feel free to get in touch by tweeting me
@RichardJude to discuss terms or to clarify my stance on any matters that may
concern you.

Regards,

Richard Jude

The Brilliance of Djokovic, The Plight of JT and The Tale of 4 Penalties.

A week that began with Novak Djokovic defeating Rafael Nadal in what I believe to be the second best exhibition of tennis of the 21^st century, behind only the Federer-Nadal Wimbledon final of 2008, is coming to end with Howard Webb trending on Twitter.

Starting on a positive note, the Australian open final showed exactly what Djokovic and Nadal have that Andy Murray still seems to lack, killer instinct and the ruthless will-to-win matched with the ability and skill that undoubtedly is also coursing through Murray. Will Murray become the first male British winner of a grand-slam since Fred Perry? I sincerely hope so, but an early defeat of a big rival and a mix of luck or injury woes may also have to fall in the Scots favour before his dream becomes a reality. Watching The Serb and The Spaniard slugging it out for nearly 6 hours, and still producing world class tennis at the end, was a joy to behold, and Djokovic’s mental strength carrying him over the line cannot be disputed as a fair result and the crowning of a worthy winner.

Also this week, should you be just awaking from a coma, John Terry was stripped of the England captaincy for a second time. Charged with the use of racist language in December, the Chelsea skipper will face trial after the European Championships in the summer, and it was the announcement of Terry’s day in court that prompted the FA to act. Many parties, including Terry himself and pundit Gary Neville, have questioned the FA making the call now and not when the charges were announced, with Neville going on to criticise the FA taking the decision away from manager Fabio Capello. The reason this decision was taken this week however, is a simple one, Terry has not been stripped of the captaincy as a punishment, but in light of the fact the case will still be hanging over him, and the squad he was set to lead, during the Euro’s.

Whether the decision to sack Terry as England captain for a second time is the right one, I cannot say, but I do understand the timing, unlike many who have commented on the subject. In this country our justice system is set up around the premise that all accused are innocent until proven guilty, but due to the ridiculous decision to have Terry stand trial after the European Championships, his position as captain was set to come under all sorts of scrutiny, and the FA couldn’t be seen to sit and watch the media circus increase.

This afternoon, John Terry and the drama surrounding him, took a back seat as his Chelsea team took on champions Manchester United without him in the side. United had the better of the first half, but lacked the finish to beat Petr Cech in the Chelsea goal, and through a moment of magic by Daniel Sturridge and a cruel deflection off of Jonny Evans, Chelsea led at the break. Two early second half goals later, Chelsea were 3-0 up, and United were left scratching their heads, and facing yet another Premier League defeat at Stamford Bridge, a ground they have often struggled at. Faced with embarrassing, and arguably unjust defeat, the team from Old Trafford came out swinging. With two penalties from Wayne Rooney and a header from Mexican Javier Hernandez, followed by a cracking save by much-maligned goalkeeper David De Gea, the champions had shown their fighting spirit and taken the most unlikely of points away with them.

The biggest talking points from the game are unquestionably the 4 realistic penalty shouts Howard Webb faced from the United forwards. Very early on, Ashley Young went down rather dramatically in the area, and my initial reaction was that he’d gone down under very little challenge. At half time, the incident was reviewed by the guys in the Sky Sports studio and Bosingwa, Chelsea’s make-shift left back, had a handful of Young’s shirt, and regardless of what you make of Young’s fall to the ground, the Portuguese international can count himself very lucky not to have been penalised. Later in the first half, with the score still locked at 0-0, Danny Welbeck burst through on goal for United, and he was halted by a stuttering challenge by debutant Gary Cahill. This time my initial reaction at full speed was penalty and red card, and regardless of pundits and commentators suggesting that the ball may have been played, or the offence may have taken place outside the area, I stand by that belief. Watching it back Cahill certainly doesn’t win the ball, and Welbeck is still on his feet after the initial contact. Cahill’s momentum and follow through takes him into the area where the United striker was still pursuing the ball, and this brings him down. My personal belief is that Cahill in effect committed two fouls, but only the second one resulted in Welbeck being felled, which would suggest a penalty should have been given. Whether or not you think that is rubbish, and a pro-United bias is unimportant though, as it was at the very least a free-kick, and Cahill’s participation in the rest of the game would have been in doubt, had Howard Webb come to the right decision.

After half time, Howard Webb did award Manchester United two penalties. The first of these, given for a foul on Patrice Evra by Sturridge, didn’t appear to me, on first glance, to be worthy of a spot-kick, but looking at the replay, Webb was 100% right to give it, as Evra protected the ball and Sturridge bundled him over. A few minutes later, Welbeck went down under the clumsy challenge of Branislav Ivanovic and won penalty number two. Seeing this one live I wasn’t sure what to think, and having watched the replay, it appears to be a very soft award in which the forward is looking for the contact. Rooney duly dispatched both penalties and of course Twitter’s reaction was to berate Howard Webb and dig-up every joke regarding him playing for, or transferring to, United to have ever existed… Yawn, Yawn, Yawn.

The reality of today’s match is not one that proves Webb to be biased, but there is every suggestion that he went in at half time and was either informed of his first half errors, or viewed the footage himself. In the second half, in giving United’s second penalty, Webb may have been subconsciously making up for the lack of a first half spot-kick, and I’ll say again, it’s not for me to say whether that is wrong or right. Chelsea fans will certainly say two wrongs don’t make a right, but the justifiable repost from United fans will be that had he given either of the penalties at 0-0, the game could have been very different.

For an interesting list of statistics that dispel the myth that United get the most penalties, have a look at http://www.myfootballfacts.com/Premier_League_Penalty_Statistics.html and interpret them however you like.

So much for the end of my moaning...

Last year I made the vow to end my rant ‘n’ rave style of writing that developed through the recording of the stressful process that was my Media Studies A Level. It is probably not a coincidence that as I attempted to make this change, my blogging became a lot less frequent. However, sometimes exceptions must be made, and I can honestly say that this seems like a suitable moment for an exception to occur. I’ve had some stressful and unpleasant evenings during my (nearly) twenty years on this planet, but last night took the biscuit, the cake and a fridge full of Muller Corners’!

Having finished my day, and therefore week, at university in Portsmouth, I was all set to go home for the weekend to free meals, unlimited central heating and a 50” TV to watch Manchester United’s crunch game away at Chelsea. I arrived at Fratton Station at 5.15 pm to catch the twenty-four minutes past train to London Waterloo to be greeted by two police officers doing very little and a bald man in a high-visibility jacket (which can never be a good sign). He then informed me that the station was being evacuated because of a ‘Massive Gas Leak’ and that I’d have to go to Southsea Station to get a train. Being only a twenty minute walk away, this on the face of it would seem to be an acceptable solution, but I was unconvinced because any train from Southsea would have to pass through Fratton to get to London.

A twenty minute walk in sub-zero temperatures later and I was proven right as I arrived at Southsea station to find a lot of electronic boards saying delayed and a crowd of confused civilians. With no visible staff presence in the foyer of the station I had little choice but to buy my ticket and wait for a train. £23.45 later I was on the platform and the bad omens continued as the train I wanted to get at Fratton at twenty-four minutes past was still at Southsea at 5.40. I finally found a member of staff that confirmed this was the train I wanted when it ‘eventually gets going’, so I boarded to avoid the cold.

Two chapters of Gary Neville’s autobiography, four tannoy messages without useful information and another thirty minutes later and the growing population of cold rail-travellers and I were informed that the issue could take ‘up to two hours to resolve’. Less than ten minutes after that announcement however, we were told the train would be going to Fratton. What?

Well whatever the justification of this, the train did duly move the one stop to Fratton Station, that had earlier been evacuated, and at this stage I was stuck at a different station. Having waited for more than five minutes for some kind of direction as to what I might do next, ‘Mr Tannoy’ informed the last few disgruntled travellers and I, that the train would now be going back to Southsea. Right…

However, if we wanted to travel on to Farnham (the next stop) and beyond to London Waterloo, we could catch a rail-replacement bus-service from outside the station. So we all gathered our belongings and trudged out to the front of the station, past the bald, high-visibility man who had evacuated the station over an hour previous and stood in the earlier mentioned sub-zero temperatures. Fifteen minutes after this, the high-visibility baldy gathered the fifty-plus commuters and told us he would attempt to organise taxis to Farnham for those with valid rail-tickets. At this stage though I was feeling like an extra from Frozen Planet and had very little faith in South-West Trains and their highly-visible and bald spokesman so decided to safely assume that he probably wasn’t able to arrange p*ss-up in a brewery, let alone a chain of taxis. Eventually, after my dad drove the ninety-odd miles to collect me, and the same distance home, I arrived in Essex just before half-past ten, and completely forgot to make this week’s changes, including making Robin Van Persie my captain, to my fantasy football team.

So to recap and conclude, I was refused entry to a station and badly advised by a brightly-lit and impressively bald man, had a sizeable delay and was again badly advised by a man on the end of a microphone, was then moved into an area that had previously been evacuated, before being badly advised again by another man with a microphone and the same bald guy from an hour previous. This has resulted in a wasted evening, a heavy cold, and an horrible fantasy league defeat. I’m not a happy bunny.