Wednesday 1 January 2014

Horror stories, double-headed coins and 4-0 - An Ashes catch up

The cauldron of capitulation - A World Record crowd watched on Boxing Day at the MCG - © Simon Helle Nielsen
I’ll start with the cheer and then resume the misery, happy New Year, may 2014 bring less batting collapses and a few won tosses…

A new approach to Ashes blogging, same old result for England. I have allowed time for reflection and for frustration to fall, but unfortunately it hasn’t.

Now 4-0 down, and watching Mitchell Johnson cradle his 3rd Man of the Match award of the series, the English language is running out of negative vocabulary.

Due to technical difficulties, combined with the fact the Sports Gazette team are strewn across Europe and the Middle East, our live blog was a no-go for the fourth Test.

I decided that rather than produce five days of miserable conjecture in which I desperately search for positives, one post would suffice, and time would be needed for digestion.

So on the eve of the fifth test, and the final part of England’s horror-film Test match tour, it’s time.

For a while, it looked as if my enforced standing-down had resulted in a change of luck for England, but hope has just led to increased despair. (As Grant Yardley’s day-by-day descriptions neatly illustrate.)

Yet again Alastair Cook stood miserably as he watched Michael Clarke win the toss, and my mind wandered to an Only Fools and Horses episode in which Rodney called tails despite knowing it was a double-headed coin, I’m not sure Cook would see the humour in the comparison.

On this occasion, tradition got the better of Clarke. The MCG is often a good place to bowl first, the drop-in pitch looked a tad green and Australia would bowl first.

Batting first, for the first time in the series, England posted a disappointing 255.

Whilst it was below par on a pitch that had offered less than Clarke had hoped for, it did at least demonstrate a change. Brad Haddin hadn’t yet batted England out of a game, and it was their highest first-innings score of the tour.

With Australia behind in a match for the first time in the series, and with the England bowlers finally having some runs to defend, something new happened, a contest.

For the first time since The Oval Test this summer, Australia’s aggressive batting came under some kind of scoreboard pressure, and it faltered.

Wickets for Anderson, Broad and Bresnan, as well as one for Ben Stokes saw Australia collapse for 204 despite Haddin’s customary fifty.

Starting the second innings with a 51run lead, Alastair Cook went on the attack, his quick fifty was supported well by the more reserved Michael Carberry, and the opening partnership of 65 took England’s lead to 116.

From this point the collapse was as impressive as it was startling, the openers both fell LBW and Joe Root ran himself out, before Ian Bell added the pièce de résistance. Chipping his first ball straight to Mitchell Johnson in embarrassing fashion.

Kevin Pietersen led a recovery with 49, but after Stokes and Bairstow had got in and got out, once again the tail was blown away with the last four batsmen contributing one between them.

Australia duly knocked off the runs, Chris Rogers scoring a well crafted hundred as he cements his own reputation as more than a blocker, and Shane Watson bludgeoned a half-century of his own.

In this Test, England had not wilted under scoreboard pressure after a big first innings total, they had taken the initiative and then handed it back to the Australian’s gift-wrapped neatly with a bow.

If this was the horror film I referred to earlier, it would be one in which the first hour was littered with deaths caused by a mysterious foe.

As the fifth Test in Sydney begins, the murderer will have been unveiled, and the supernatural element put to bed, but they rarely stop killing at this stage, they invariably go out with a bang…



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