Commuting - It's not all bad... (If you look hard enough)

If you can't find the humour here you need to re-think your life...

I have always maintained that comedy is everywhere if you are looking for it.

Most people would find getting the 6.41 train anything but funny, and that may just play a significant part in why I find a perverse enjoyment from the journey.

Human behaviour is bizarre and wonderful at the best of times, but put them on a train at stupid o'clock in the morning and frankly it gets even stranger.

Today's observations included, but were not restricted to:

• The three musketeers: Three men, sat one in front of the other, all aged between 30 and 40 at a guess, all asleep, and all with hugely unpleasant expressions on their face. I can only imagine they were all having the same bad dream, because they looked in sync in their misery
• One up - All up: There seems to be an inherent belief among commuters that everyone else knows something that you don't. So when one person rises from their seat for no apparent reason, at least two or three more people seem magnetically charged to do exactly the same. This was particularly strange on the Waterloo and City Line this morning, it's a one stop train, we hadn't been going for very long when one guy inexplicably stood up, and two people followed him to stand waiting at the door… for most of the journey.
• Hats on the Underground: I'll qualify this by saying two things; hats on a busy tube are rarely a good idea, and the style of baseball cap with a wide, flat brim looks ridiculous anyway. As I got on to the Central Line this morning I immediately noticed the two young guys standing next to each other with matching cotton jogging bottoms on, it was a funny enough site at this point, before the one wearing the hat looked up sharply and jabbed his mate in the eye with his hat-brim, he (and most other people who saw) thought this was hilarious, his mate now probably has a similar attitude to hats as me, as well as a sore eye. 
• Selling a dummy and the Jack Nowell of ticket barriers: The one thing you can usually say for rush-hour commuters, is there is a directness in their walking that lacks in touristy types and half-term travellers. This morning there was one chap at Bank station who blew this out of the water. Walking quickly, straight and true towards the Waterloo and City Line, he suddenly veered across my path in the other direction, completely fooling the woman who was walking with him. She took at least three steps in what was clearly the wrong direction before noticing he was gone. This was all preceded by a man approaching the left hand ticket barrier of about 10, noticing a bottle-neck was occurring, dived across five barriers and on-coming traffic, before finding a gap to head into, much like Jack Nowell, the England winger who isn't all the keen on staying on the wing…

I haven't even got started on the hilarity that is queuing for trains, or the fact that 'mind the doors' is heard as a challenge rather than a warning.

Want to hear an interesting story about..?

Hayley sitting on the offending bench in the otherwise lovely gardens of St. Paul's

I've taken on many different persona's at one time or another. The latest one I've fallen into is the person who has a story about everything. (Everything is an exaggeration, but there's a point here so I'll press on.)

During a reporting task at Uni, one of the people being researched had attended the Brentwood Private school round the corner from where I live. After telling everyone that Frank Lampard had been there and got his A Level in Latin, I remembered something else.

"Want to know another interesting fact about Brentwood School?" I enquired confidently...

On reflection my interesting fact, that I once got run out without facing a ball there in a school cricket match, was less an interesting fact and more an embarrassing memory. You'd have thought I'd learn from this realisation? Apparently not.

A week later I was asked if I had ever been to St Paul's Cathedral, and after trying to recall a primary school trip there I suddenly remembered I'd been back a lot more recently.

"Want to know another interesting fact about St. Paul's Cathedral?"

This one was even worse than the first, I was essentially voluntarily informing people I had once fallen spectacularly over a bench in the gardens there. At the time of telling the story I couldn't even remember why I had tried to leap over it, I've subsequently remembered, and yet it still doesn't fully make sense...

The moral of this story? Learn from your mistakes, don't let lightening strike twice, and for the love of god, if I offer up and interesting fact, turn it down!

'Bunch of Plunkers' - The Scrambled Minds of English Cricket

Liam Plunkett's recall for the England Lions is a perfect example of unclear thinking - © Nazly Ahmed 

English cricket may be at an all time low, and it’ll take more than a banning order to stop me saying so.

There was some good, and progressive news from the ECB this week as they announced the women’s team are to turn professional, but they are the one shining light in this dark-chasm of a winter.

The Ashes were lost in embarrassing fashion, but the off-field chaos has almost overshadowed this.

With the star-player axed, the coach gone, the captain under constant scrutiny and the team’s management structure all over the place, the hope is that rock bottom has now been reached.

Looking at the playing staff, there was more than a fair share of scrambled minds in Australia, with Joe Root looking a shadow of the confident and clear-thinking young man that burst onto the scene last year.

Matt Prior was also horribly out of sorts, and clear thinking seemed beyond the whole batting line-up at one point or another.

The fielding, a huge part of England becoming a world-beating side, was also slack and inept, another sign that concentration, focus and clear thought processes were all lacking.

James Anderson suggested that the harder England worked, the worse they got. Frankly I believe him, there was no lack of effort, but that is pretty much all you can say with any degree of positivity.

Unfortunately, this scrambled and confused thinking doesn’t seem to be restricted to the players.

The selection of Steven Finn alongside Chris Tremlett and Boyd Rankin for the Ashes tour proved to be as wrong as it was bizarre.

For different reasons, those selecting England’s side didn’t trust any of them, and because of this the touring party may as well have contained three sizeable paperweights.

There was more confused selecting and tactics on display in the one-day series Down Under, with Joe Root, Gary Ballance and Ian Bell all producing useful contributions, without scoring quickly, or batting right through the innings.

There was a similar story in the field, with Cook’s field set for one plan and the bowling following something entirely different on numerous occasions. It felt about as well planned as Danny Dyer showing up at Downton Abbey.

England’s team chopped, and changed, and there was a clear indication that individual players did not know their roles.

Death bowling was not properly co-ordinated, and there was not a plan in place to score big runs. (Other than the traditional English plan of batting slowly for 40 overs and hoping Morgan and Buttler can rescue things at the end.)

Now the fall-out from the winter is taking hold and changes are occurring, there remains much confusion regarding the path forwards.

This is not designed to be a personal attack, but I think England’s bizarre decision-making can be summed up by the selection of Graham Onions and Liam Plunkett in the Lions side touring Sri Lanka.

Onions is now 31, and despite a brilliant country season, was overlooked for the tour of Australia. So why is he in a development side?

We know how good he is, we know the conditions he excels in, he should not be in that team.

Even stranger is the selection of Plunkett.

Plunkett is 28, and therefore also not the stereotypical man to play in a development side in which you are looking to produce and look-at international cricketers.

However, being 28 should not rule out selection, but the fact his international career took place seven years ago probably should.

His career has taken a more cheerful direction since his move to Yorkshire, but 36 First Class wickets at an average of 28 this year doesn’t stand out, so why are we going back to him?

He was given a chance in the winter of 2005, and the following two English summers, and despite not excelling then, and his career freefalling since, England have taken him to the subcontinent.

I don’t think Plunkett should get in the England Test team again, and more importantly I don’t think he will get in it again, so for the life of me I can’t understand him being in Sri Lanka.

Whoever becomes England’s next coach needs to oversee some top-down, clear planning and stop providing me with such obvious things to question.

It might do me out of a blogging topic, but at least I might benefit as an England fan.