We invent the basic premise, and then simply watch the World
get better than us at these sports, adapt the format and leave us behind. We’re
comfortable with that, so why change now.
Football went away, came home briefly in 1996, didn’t like
what it saw, and hasn’t been seen since. This might look like a bad thing, but
it gives us something to moan about…
The latest British-born genius to fly the nest is Twenty20
cricket, formed here in 2003, almost by accident; it is now the most marketable
form of the game. When it left home it shortened its name to T20, because
that’s much cooler; that was a sign of things to come.
While our format has changed slightly, it hasn’t seen a
radical overhaul, and the T20 title won by Birmingham Bears in 2014 was still
largely the same county competition won by Surrey in 2003. Despite the name of
the winning side not being Warwickshire, it was Warwickshire.
The 2014 tournament was scheduled to be played primarily on
Friday evenings, aiming to encourage large crowds through consistency of
scheduling at a time that fans would readily be available for. The result was
more criticism, and a tournament drawn out over more than four months that
didn’t encourage the best players from around the planet to take part.
Having both taken part in the Semi-Finals of the Big Bash
League in Australia over the weekend, comments by Kevin Pietersen and Michael Carberry have helped reignite the debate about England’s domestic tournament,
and the way it compares poorly to the Big Bash, India’s IPL and other franchise
models.
Unlike the county game in England, these franchise models
allow teams to be formed solely for these competitions, and are centred at big
grounds, in big cities, near a large fan-base. They are also condensed into a
period that means the competition concerned is the only cricket being played by
those players at that time.
The experiment with Friday night fixtures seems to have
failed, so a more condensed tournament schedule has to be the way forward in
England, but it has to be possible to revamp and reenergise English domestic T20
cricket without adopting the franchise model, because franchises aren’t very
us.
Even without considering the question of how county teams
will survive without the T20 income, and the fact that T20 franchise cricket is
the global home for shameless advertising, there is still an argument against
franchise cricket, and that is identity.
The county teams have a lot of history, so much so that even
basic and unimaginative nicknames haven’t caught on in one-day cricket. A
friend of mine once said “we don’t go in for that sort of thing in the west
country” when I mentioned nicknames, and why should the good people of
Gloucestershire be forced into supporting a very un-British franchise based
over an hour away from them if they are to follow T20 cricket..?
The dynamism of the franchise names hits you hard in the
face as soon as you look at them. Sydney Thunder, Adelaide Strikers and Perth
Scorchers are all very Australian, by comparison the fact that Warwickshire
kept Bears as the nickname for their revolutionary Birmingham side says a lot
about our own mentality.
If we did employ a franchise system, the best we could do
would be to try and invoke as much Britishness in the teams as possible to
maintain our proud national identity. I have chosen the nine Test venues, and
Canterbury (with its 15,000 capacity) as the homes of ten very British
franchises, inspired by those from Australia and around the World.
London’s two venues, Lord’s and the Oval, could home a
cross-capital rivalry to match the derbies in Melbourne and Sydney. Inspired by
the Adelaide Strikers, a team whose name suggests an aggressive brand of
cricket, the North London Leavers would be able to encompass a more English or
British brand, favoured by the Lord’s faithful. Their rivals from south of the
river, the South London Landslips have their own name inspired by the Hobart
Hurricanes. A hurricane is another very un-British weather phenomenon, whereas
a landslip is much more appropriate given the chance one might just delay some
supporters on their train ride to the match.
Another great rivalry could be formed between the sides from
Manchester and Leeds. The Perth Scorchers name is derived both from the
impressive temperatures that are reached
in Western Australia and again from the brand of cricket that the side produce,
Manchester Mild is equally appropriate. They will have endless (or that’s what
it will feel like) battles with the team from across the Pennines, the Leeds Labradoodles.
Named after the Dolphins, an exotic animal that gives its name to a T20 side in
the equally exotic South Africa, the Labradoodles will be a fluffy and
dependable member of the league.
The midlands is also known for sporting rivalries, and I’m sure
one will form between the sides from Birmingham and Nottingham. Paying homage
to the Sydney Sixers, named after big shots and excitement, the Nottingham
Nurdlers will hit the gaps and run hard in the middle overs. Replacing the
Birmingham Bears will be a team inspired by the outrageously named St Lucia
Zouks. Until recently I had no idea what that means, but apparently Zouk is a
popular Caribbean musical form, so the Birmingham Britpoppers will be in good
company should they face their St Lucian counterparts in the Champions League
at any stage.
It would be ludicrous to name all these British franchises
without a nod to the IPL, and the Deccan Chargers provide the reasoning behind
the Southampton Strollers. People from Southampton are much more likely to
stroll than charge, they’re a pretty peaceful bunch, and we wouldn’t want to
create the wrong impression.
One of my favourite franchise names in T20 cricket at the
moment belongs to the Melbourne Renegades. T20 cricket is about being a
renegade or a maverick, and the Australians always embrace this, the franchise
from Kent however, would not. A more appropriate name for the tenth and final
franchise would be the Canterbury Compliers, it’s more British just to accept
the status quo.
Having come up with a very-British franchise model, that
might just be accepted, it strikes me that the best players from around the
World might still not be persuaded to come and take part.
Would you want to fly thousands of miles to play for the
Leeds Labradoodles, any more than you would want to play for Yorkshire? I think
I’d take Yorkshire if the scheduling was right…
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